I like to have a lot of different names online.
I have a couple of good reasons for it. The first, and less significant, one is that I like to get creative. It might be fun to name yourself the same thing on every platform you sign up for, but eventually it gets tiring. The one I’m most fixated on is a fact of online culture: if people want to find you, they will fucking find you. I’m not going to get into that, nor do I want to get into that.
The main reason I say all of this is because Yultimona is not my first blog on WordPress. Not by a long shot.
I had a blog before this. I’d write weekly posts about how bad certain games I had never played were. I did that quite frequently back then; I thought of it more as writing practice than saying anything worthwhile–and I was proud of myself for it. Now that I’m slightly older, I can look at that and laugh. I still access to that blog, but I’m contemplating shutting it down.
These two blogs, though, are not my first.
As of a couple of weeks ago, I am twenty years old–which means I’m old enough for other people to tell me I’m still young. Nearly a decade ago, I had an account with too many blogs to count. Even if I wanted to count them all, though, I couldn’t; I shut down most of them years ago. That account has been made unaccessible for the sole reason of me using a fake email address to register it. My old password still works, but they don’t want anything to do with it.
I had a couple of blogs that I wrote for at the time; one about the game series TimeSplitters (which I had only found out about by mid-2010) and another about… well, whatever I wanted it to be about. The former had my attention the most because I played an absolute fuckton of TimeSplitters back in the day. Of course, writing about a game series long after it was in the limelight and having information on it long after it was made available isn’t exactly a recipe for success; I distinctly remember a few comments asking me what I was talking about because, you know, I was a child.
I also had another blog for short reviews. I remember I gave The Avengers a 10/10 after I saw it in the theaters, I remember giving a Wimpy Kid book of all things a 10… I mean, shit, I gave everything a 10.
I almost want to say I look back fondly on those times, but to be honest: I hardly remember them. Because I made my presence no secret back in the day, I looked up my old username and happened to find a comment written by another account talking about me. Another account that was, of course, created by me. I had no memory of ever doing that, it actually made me laugh.
Back then, I viewed a lot of my writing through the lens of imagination. Who cares if it was all incomprehensible gibberish. I had fun!
Ten years later, I don’t know what to tell you. I grew up, but I haven’t “grown up.” I’m not going to try to write anything poignant here about aging because there’s nothing poignant to write. If you want to know how I feel, just sit in the same chair for ten years. Age like a regular person would, and then come back to me. The only insight I can really give is that I’ll die someday, and I already knew that. Hell, it’ll happen to you, too. I guess, if I had to make some point with all of this rambling, it’s that the foot prints your mother used to put on plates won’t be the only sign of this coming generation being in the world. What good’s a second death if it only happens thousands of years into the future, where people have evolved past the need for love and past the need for memory? What we know of second deaths seems poetic now, but if you’re a Google search away, anyway can do it. I guess the real second death will be when Google goes offline, when records dating back to tens of thousands of years just… disappear one day. I almost want to say it’s a bad thing, but what downside is there? On a similar note, what benefit comes out of it? Neither have any conclusive answers, just feelings that might come out of you. If you want to die and stay dead, you might as well throw away your phone. If you want to be alive in some form after your death, there’s a way. It’s silly to think that back when the internet was first invented, very few people–at best–had the foresight to see things going in this direction. It almost amazes me at how far we’ve come technogically. But I have video games and movies to do that for me, so why think any more than I have to?
Anyway, The Avengers is a 7/10.